Yes, there is a precedent where you are allowed to divorce your spouse if you are not allowed to practice Islam. There is most suredly a precedent saying that I should disobey my husband and where the hijab anyway. I am weak in that area...what can I say. I will not divorce him because he is the father of my child. I do not insist on wearing the hijab, except when I go the mosque or to recitation of the Qu'ran, because it keeps peace in my household.
I do pray about it daily though. Just as I pray that one day he too will make as-salat on a daily basis. He can read Qu'ran so beautifully, but doesn't.
We went to the mosque on the night of Power (al-Layat al-Qadr) and before we walked out of the house, I asked him don't you think I look much better this way? He just shrugged his shoulders. I said, I do. I think I look much better in hijab then without.
I used to see myself as a very beautiful person. After I put on the hijab I saw what a beautiful person really looked like. Now that I am without it, I just see myself as I see everyone else. My vanity is pretty much gone. No more looking in every mirror I pass. No more checking to see if every hair is in place.
It makes me very sad to think about this. All but one of my close circle of friends wear hijab. The one that doesn't, doesn't because she feels she is not ready. (and her husband doesn't want her too) Every time I have the chance to put on hijab I wish I didn't have to take it off and am always reminded of my son's comment when I first took it off. He was 3 then, and asked mom....where's your hijab? With tears in my eyes, I answered...mommy doesn't wear it anymore.
I look at my husand's friends' wives and they wear hijab. My husband has no problem with that. I guess this is just my battle with saytan. Sucks that he uses my own husband though.
My husband said if we move to a Muslim country then I could wear it no problem. So that is also another thing I pray for daily.
Ok, this has depressed me...I'm off to make as-salat and go to bed.
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