hijabs

So hubby bought me all these nice hijabs but no word on whether or not I could actually wear them exce pt for going to the mosque.  Designer ones too.  I was really (and pleasently) surprised.  The hijabs from Bahrain are soo beautiful!  Just the style that I love the most.  Shayla or shawl.  They have great bonnets for underneath too.  Really pretty.  Maybe I will post a pic with me wearing one. 

Get to wear hijab this weekend though as I will go to the mosque again.  I pray God forgives us all our sins and gives us all wisedom, amin!

At the mosque...Sunday

Went to the mosque today and took my son for his first Qu'ran lessons.  I also went for Qu'ran lessons.  As I was there it was so nice to hear the women telling me how nice I looked in my hijab.  It felt good to have it on again. 

Talked to hubby and he said he bought me several hijabs from where he is at right now.  (still out of the country if you remember)  That was nice to hear. 

I must say that as much as I enjoy swimming and being by the pool, I would still rather wear my hijab.  Why?  Just because you wear hijab doesn't mean you can't do things like that.  My brother-in-law is of the opposite opinion.  He thinks that women who wear hijab has no reason to be at the beach or the pool.  If you are covered then it is a sin for you to look at men who are half naked.  Uh, if you think of it that way then isn't it still a sin even if you are the one half naked?  Come on!  I don't go swimming so I can look at half naked men.  Give me a break!  I go swimming to cool off, to have fun with my son and to enjoy the water and the sun. 

There are several new designs out that allow you to enjoy the sun and fun and still be modestly dressed.  You don't HAVE to walk around in a string bikini.  (on a personal note I can't stand women that do...especially the ones that wear thongs....I find it gross) 

I discovered snorkling this summer while on vacation.  It is a wonderful experience.  And by the way, most scuba divers cover up to protect them from the elements and cold water....so why couldn't I cover up to protect myself from the elements and water and still go snorkling? 

It cracks me up how much society has trained the world to look at women who are dressed modestly as being oppressed.  It I am half or completele naked then I am not oppressed...I am free.  Huh?  More like I am just a slave to man who by the way is the one that created this image of freedom. 

There is a song by Sami Yusuf, a british singer/song writer, titled 'Free'.  It speaks of a woman who wears the hijab and how she is truely free as she protects her dignity and her self image.  Just because a woman wears a scarf on her head doesn't mean she is a stupid idiot.

And speaking of this...if wearing a scarf on your head makes you oppressed then why aren't Jewish women oppressed?  They also wear scarves.  The orthodox women.  What about my grandmother, God rest her soul, ?  She always covered her head when she went to church....and she was Catholic!!!!  Was she oppressed too then?  Or is it considered oppression if you don't take it off the moment you walk out the door of your religious place or worship and try to fit into society?

Ok, I went way off on a tangent...sorry.  Going to stop for now.

What is hijab?

I think of this often as I cannot wear it.  It occurs to me, after seeing several women I know that do wear hijab....that hijab is not only dressing modestly or covering your hair.  Some of them cover their hair but wears clothes so tight you wonder why they bother to cover their hair.  Some cover their hair and dress modestly but don't pray or read Qu'ran.  Some do both, but gossip so bad it would probably make an Imam blush....

Hijab does not only apply to our dress or our hair...it applies also to our mouths.  If we walk around gossiping and back stabbing our supposed friends...how are we gaining any bonus points? 

One of the goals of Islam is gain bonus points (as I call them) to help wipe out your small sins on the day of judgement.  How do you gain bonus points?  By doing good deeds.  By being nice to people.  By not gossiping and not back stabbing!  By not cussing out someone just cause he/she cut in front of you. (very guilty of this myself...)  By holding the door open for someone instead of letting it slam in their face.  So what if you don't know that person?  By saying please and thank you.

Why do we, as human beings, have such a hard time with this?  Is it sooo hard?  I mean, do we despise our friends so much that we just have to gossip about them as soon as they leave the room?  Then why do we call them friends?  If you don't like someone then they are not your friend.  They are someone you don't like.  Just don't be around them.  It is as easy as that.  If someone mentions them, just politely say I don't like that person...let's talk about something else please.  Is that so hard?

I am often amazed, especially at women, how they can claim to be your best friend and then as soon as your gone...did you see what she was wearing?  Did you hear what she did?  etc, etc....  My favorite are the women at the mosque...waiting for prayers to begin.  Uh.....how are you gaining bouns points when you are about to pray and instead of meditating on what you should pray for or all the bad things that are going on in this world and how we should be greatful, all you can think about is....OMG!  Does she really think that scarf even matches that skirt?!  or...OMG!  How DARE she come here with pants on?!

Get a life!  Start earning bonus points and stop all the bitterness between us!  I am the first to listen to this advice.  I truely believe...don't cast stones if you live in a glass house....
What did Christ (PBUH) say?  He who is without sin...should throw the first stone. 

at the Mosque....

Went to a mosque today for breakfast with friends.  It was nice to be back there.  It made me sad though to see all the beautiful women in their beautiful hijabs.  They all looked so peaceful and full of God's light (nur). 

Knowing that it is a sin to not wear hijab just makes it that much harder for me.  I often wonder if I would just decide to wear it again, what would my husband do.  Would he even say anthing?  Or would he just go about as nothing?  Yes, I realize that he might refuse to take me around his work collegues but I could care less about that.  He might not like it if I were to fly stateside with it on.  But I could care less. 

I am outright refusing to follow God's command to wear hijab.  sigh..... What to do....

My answer

Yes, there is a precedent where you are allowed to divorce your spouse if you are not allowed to practice Islam.  There is most suredly a precedent saying that I should disobey my husband and where the hijab anyway.  I am weak in that area...what can I say.  I will not divorce him because he is the father of my child.  I do not insist on wearing the hijab, except when I go the mosque or to recitation of the Qu'ran, because it keeps peace in my household.

I do pray about it daily though.  Just as I pray that one day he too will make as-salat on a daily basis.  He can read Qu'ran so beautifully, but doesn't. 

We went to the mosque on the night of Power (al-Layat al-Qadr) and before we walked out of the house, I asked him don't you think I look much better this way?  He just shrugged his shoulders.  I said, I do.  I think I look much better in hijab then without. 

I used to see myself as a very beautiful person.  After I put on the hijab I saw what a beautiful person really looked like.  Now that I am without it, I just see myself as I see everyone else.  My vanity is pretty much gone.  No more looking in every mirror I  pass.  No more checking to see if every hair is in place. 

It makes me very sad to think about this.  All but one of my close circle of friends wear hijab.  The one that doesn't, doesn't because she feels she is not ready. (and her husband doesn't want her too)  Every time I have the chance to put on hijab I wish I didn't have to take it off and am always reminded of my son's comment when I first took it off.  He was 3 then, and asked mom....where's your hijab?  With tears in my eyes, I answered...mommy doesn't wear it anymore.

I look at my husand's friends' wives and they wear hijab.  My husband has no problem with that.  I guess this is just my battle with saytan.  Sucks that he uses my own husband though. 

My husband said if we move to a Muslim country then I could wear it no problem.  So that is also another thing I pray for daily. 

Ok, this has depressed me...I'm off to make as-salat and go to bed.

My dream....

I have a dream.....doesn't everyone?  Unforunately some people have distorted dreams of how this world should be.  I can just see Hitler and Musolini and others like them sitting around talking to people about their dreams. 

My dream is that I could live in freedom, dress how I want to, and raise my son to believe he can do anything he wants to do as long as he follows the laws of Allah, prays daily and is respectful.  Part of my dream is also that I can shelter my son from the ways of this world, i.e. the ways of saytan. 

Of course it is only a dream.  Thank Allah I do live in freedom but I cannot dress how I want.  As I said in my bio my hsuband does not allow me to wear the headscarf.  It is hard to protect my son from the ways of saytan and he is only 7.  A few weeks ago in our neighborhood, a 15 year old boy was showing his penis to the kids my sons age.  Yes, my son saw it too.  My husband and several other of the neighbors had a nice little talk with that boy.  Even right in front of our own house, saytan is just lurking...waiting. 

Then there is t.v. of course.  Yes, I grew up watching whatever I wanted.  My parents both worked and my mom was very naive (still is sometimes) and trusting.  She never thought that I would be sexually abused by my own uncle or that the t.v. would influence me in a negative way. 

I must say though that through it all Allah was watching over me and guiding me to a better way and a better place.  For some reason i was always curious about religion.  We were raised christian but in a non-denominational church called the World Wide church of God.  We followed the laws of the old testament and celebrated all the holy days in the old testament.  We followed the new testament but never ate pork.  We never celebrated christmas or easter or holloween.  No birthdays either, but mom always broke that rule.  LOL! 

Eventually I found my way to Islam, alhumdulillah. (thanks be to God)  It just felt right.  I read an english version of the Qu'ran and it was like reading the bible with all the missing peices filled in.  I always had so many questions when I read the bible.  Now there were being answered. 

Anyway, I have digressed enough for today.  As I sit here still in my hijab from this mornings salat (prayer) I wonder why is it I can't go outside like this?  Why do people have such a problem with it.  If people here wouldn't have a problem with it neither would my husband.  He has the utmost respect for women who were hijab.  But sees how people here treat them most of the time.  I personally don't care because I know that those people will have to answer for their actions on the day of judgement. 

If I chose to cover my hair and not show you my boobs and my ass why is it such a problem?  I am not a feminist but as modern day women, do we really have to bow down to the man made Barbie?  Why do I have to show off almost every part of my body (or every part for that matter) just to fit in?  I found a bunch of videos on You Tube from women who are NOT muslim but wear the hijab for different reasons.  One of them was that she doesn't have to be gawked at when she goes to class at the univeristy.  There is even a woman who is a pagan that wears hijab on you tube!!!!!  A pagan!!!!  I say more power to them!  Insha'Allah one day they will come to iman.  (belief)  Yes, they have their own beliefs and I comand them for wearing the hijab though they are not muslim.  They can and I can't....

I told my husband about that the other night.  I said, how sad that they wear it and I don't.  No comment...

Ok, enough of my rambling for today.  Maybe more later...if not then manana! 

Sorry for any typos...I tend to type fast I haven't found a spell check on here yet...LOL!
Off to IKEA!!!!

Day one....O M G!

Ok, as I wrote in my bio...I am for the hijab.  And if my husband would let me I would wear it.  But I have to say....what is with the women that cover themselves from head to toe in black?  I was at the grocery store waiting in line to check out and about 4 people in front of me was a women dressed compelely in black.  To top it off she had on black sunglasses.  You could see nothing...not even her eyes.  I saw her hands.  This I don't understand.  Where does this come from?  It is not sunnah.  It is not in the Qu'ran.  The wives of the last Prophet (pubh) wore veils it is written due to the number of men that were always over at the house.  Does it say you could only see thier eyes?  Does it say you couldn't see any part of their face?  Does it say they walked around totally covered in black?  I see it as more of a cultural thing that has unfortunately become associated with terrorism. 

The members of the IRA wear ski masks when carrying out their terroists actions.  So....that should (according to the world's logic) automatically make anyone wearing a ski mask a terrorist.  So....we shouldn't go skiing anymore? 

Yeah.....

I just don't get why people have such a hard time with a women covering her hair.  Even before I became muslim I didn't understand it.  It is sooo important to see a woman's hair?  If I had cancer and covered my head, you wouldn't care.  But since I am healthy, you see it as oppression.

Ok, I'm not saying that there aren't some that are oppressed and forced to wear the hijab.  There are, unfortunately.  There are also boys being forced to perform sexual acts by preists.  No one seems to see that as oppression.  Just a bad thing that happened.  Also, most people that are oppressed are usually those from a poor background.  Ignorance is bliss.  Some people still don't know any better.  If you're raised to believe that white people are biggots then you will most likely always believe that.  If you were raised to believe muslims are terroists, then you will most likely always believe that.  And so on and so forth. 

I can go on and on but I will save some for the days ahead. 

For those of my muslims friends reading this...Eid al-Fitr mubarek! 

ma'salama!